I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
