Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
