Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
