I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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