dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
