i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize