I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
