carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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