we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
