Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
