He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
