Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize