I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
