i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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