hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
