Even the bartender felt bad for me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
