So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
