It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
