I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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