I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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