In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
