think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize