Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
