He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
