the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
