the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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