I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
