Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize