I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
