yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
