i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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