i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
