Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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