first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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