I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize