Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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