Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
