Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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