come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
