I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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