Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
