I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
