so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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