I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
