They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
