just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Success! We fucked roommates!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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