my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
