We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
