i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
