Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
