porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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