Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
