i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
