You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
operation harelip BJ is a go
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
