I accidentally had phone sex last night
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
