the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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