Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
