i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
