clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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