The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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