My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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