I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
