He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
