you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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