If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
