All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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