The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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