Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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