Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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