I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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