maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
