I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just threw up on my dentist
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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