Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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