remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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