on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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