She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
