Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Randomize
