oh god the rape fog is back!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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