see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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