I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
