I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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