Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
