i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
