you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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