cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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