I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
