Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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