so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
