It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
