Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
