do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can you bring me the toilet please
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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