They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
