Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
