i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
