You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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