So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
