see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize