Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
