he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I didn't notice because vodka
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
