This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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