You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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