I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
