So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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