I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
