I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
